Relationships. Such a complicated concept at times. I apologize for this post, but this has been on my mind a lot lately. I promise I am not trying to be judgmental in any way with what I have to say. It is just simply how I feel. If you are touchy about relationships, I suggest you don't read this.
Lately I lot of girls my age have become engaged. I am almost nineteen. I have nothing against getting married young at all. If that is what you want go for it! The thing that I don't understand is how can you marry someone after knowing them only four ish months! It is just unimaginable to me. I simply do not get this. You can't KNOW a person in four months.
I guess when it comes to dating I have a few theories. These theories so far have proven to be true I would say. This is my take on relationships. You start to like a person. There is a six month to one year stage where you are absolutely head-over-heels in love with this person. The can do absolutely no wrong in your eyes. They are the most perfect human being in the entire world. After that six month to a year period, a point hits when you start to realize things you don't like about the person you are "madly in love" with. You don't like a certain type of music they listen, or really random things like that. You start to fight a little bit more, and things aren't always perfect. This is the point were most people break up. I believe that getting past that stage is when you KNOW that you can marry a person. When you realize all the little things about them that drive you crazy, but you love them anyway. THAT is what love is. Love is when you have been through straight crap with a person, but after it is all over or even during you realize you could never be with anyone else. When you are mad at each other you only want to be with that person. You would do anything for them. You will stick with them when things get bad. You stick with them when they have heard times, and they stick with you when you do as well. Loving someone is completely forgetting yourself, and giving all you have to that person.
Why then are people getting married after only a couple months of knowing each other! Is it that hard to just stick it out. If you really love that person wouldn't it be worth it to wait a year or so. What is the harm? With the divorce rate being 50% in the U.S you think people would be a little more cautious. So I say wait just a little while. Try and get past that lovey dovey phase, because I can promise you it does not last forever. It is getting past that and realizing you still love someone when you know it is real. Believe it is not that bad. I have been with the love of my life for almost three years, and I am still so happy. I know we can make it through anything because we have been through everything. I still love him when we fight, and I still love him when he annoys the crap out of me! He is my everything and I know this because of how long we have dated. Really people a couple of months is not long enough to know a person. I am still learning things about Curtis that I never knew. Just try to wait a little longer to make sure it is the real deal. Seriously how could it hurt anything? All it does is solidify your decision to be with someone forever. I want everyone to experience what it is like to really know someone, and be completely confident in marrying someone after you know the stuff that annoys you. So give it a try!
I see where you are coming from, but I feel I must disagree about your theories on dating. I understand that crushes happen and sometimes that's the beginning of a relationship with that person, but from my experience I have found that the most successful and, may I say, "real" relationships are formed and grow from a foundation; friendship. My relationship before my current one was, let's be honest, a disaster. I had a crush on this boy in high school and thought I'd see where things went. Yeah, he had some good qualities, but after finding out all of the things he was keeping from me, I was done. There was absolutely no way in hell I was going to stay with someone who was dishonest right from the start. All I'm trying to say is don't waste your time if it's clear that this person is a dead end. Sticking it out can be the stupidest thing you ever do. I look at my parents and it took twenty years for them to realize that the only reason they were together was to make me and my siblings happy. What I got most out of their failed relationship was the knowledge of exactly what I did not want in my marriage.I'm glad that you and your boyfriend have lasted as long as you have, but really look around. You are still young, as you said above. My husband and I were best friends for years before we accidentally fell in love. Neither of us said anything for months, in fear of losing what we had. But knowing that he was always going to be there for me and I was always going to be there for him, I knew that it was a balanced relationship. I will never have to worry about him giving too much or me giving too much. We have our differences but they are the ones that compliment us. Always marry your best friend. Even if it takes only 4 months for you to find him. Give it a try!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. I do get what you are saying. That isn't exactly what I ment thouhg. I am not saying you should stay with everyone you ever date for that long, just the people that you think you would want to marry. I 100% agree with being friends first. It helps a lot, but that just doesn't work for everyone. I am just saying if you really want to marry someone, and you think you love them more than anything, stick it out a little longer just to make sure. Like I said the divorce rate is outrageous! People just seem to rush into things when they don't need to. If you are willing to spend the rest of your life with this person, why not wait a couple months longer to make sure it is the real deal. I can't tell you how many times I have heard from people "My relationship is soo amazing. We never fight!" I am just like, "Well what do you have to fight about? You have known each other for 3 months?" I mean nobody is exactly alike, and sooner or later you will have a fight. It just happens. If you can work things out, I think that says a lot about a relationship. The ability to be able to get through the tough times and still love each other. How do people even know if they can get through those times if they have never even had an argument before? I just wish everyone could find that perfect person for them. Divorce is nasty. Waiting isn't the worst thing in the world.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment. I must not have explained it very well because that is what I kind of ment. But the starting of a relationship is different for everyone, but I couldn't agree more that it helps when you are friends before!